belly

I remember reveling in the roundness of my belly
but somewhere along the way I stopped finding sheer delight
in strutting around naked and peering down over my dress..
these memories were replaced with moments
of being eyed by other girls and uninvited men.

they were replaced by an insidious lens which believed
the ideal womxn resembled a hungry young boy in lingerie and stilettos,
or just as toxic, the empowered womxn morphed her body
to look like a perfect hourglass in protest of the other.

they were replaced by the sheer terror of insecurity
long before I knew the unsurpassable strength
of feminine softness. 

they were replaced by the notion that womxn’s bodies are projects
to constantly improve upon;
and insecurity, addiction to attention and validation,
raging bitchiness, and endless hunger for perfection
are normal attributes of a grown womxn. 

I remember the day I looked at myself in the mirror
and for the first time in years
my mind didn’t boil with resentment of my womxnhood.
the moment I ceased to see myself in the way I was taught
was the moment I ceased to scramble for purpose, value and truth
in the arena of an imagined game.

for millennia, feminine wildness and oceanic sensitivity
have remained buried.
          yet She rages from within every human bone
and the heart of humanity grows in deep hunger for Her.
She is soft, round.
She is teeming with the perfect chaos of life
and the courage to enter the womb of death.

years from now, I know I will remember the first fire of healing —
an inescapable call into my body. 

and the second —
a hot, sticky desire to truly feel touch
reverberate through the landscape of my body;
to be intimate with myself
and a human of genuine practice and true honor. 

and the third —
the capacity to see the essence of truth, of wholeness,
in the multitude of sensations
that play in the living reservoir of embodied life. 

and the fire that interweaves them all—
the resurrected gift of embodiment
and the ability to reflect a womxn’s wild and true nature
back to her..
I will forever remember the choice I made
to devote my life to Her..

may Her wisdom — at the heart of every womxn and man —
bloom into unique virtue
in every, last person.