in my experience, the extent to which a womxn commits to being the perfect nice girl at the expense of all her other colors is the extent to which she is quietly cruel to herself.. for the human intelligence to reconcile and integrate the “forbidden” is to live it through the inner, intra-personal experience.. true kindness is not niceness. it is not blunt at one end while it draws blood from the other kindness knows gentleness and it knows ferocity. it goes deeper than the surface, it adapts to meet its context.. you wouldn’t believe the number of years I whispered to myself- gentle gentle, soft soft.. in recovery from my own “niceness” and you may not assume that that kindness I learned first with myself taught me gentle ferocity in protecting and nourishing what is authentic and deep and true for every uniquely brilliant human.